Space Castle is a conceptual art party curated by Valentine Enterprises that follows the grand opening of the first luxury spa on Mars once Elon Musk colonizes the planet in the 2050s. It's a bona fide spa(ce) party. Get the feck out of shitty 2017 and get into the fabulous (20)50s!
FASHION -- Fabulous garb at the spa(ce) is crucial. Costume Slave and No Sesso will contribute installments of couture, space-themed or otherwise. Dress code is space aquatics. BYOT--Bring your oxygen tank and arrive in a carbon efficient space vehicle. (Better yet, just Lyft--the parking in Chinatown can be turrible). If you stray from the dress code, robes will be provided for you by Yves Saint Laurent's ghost. I for one will forfeit my usual costume changes and wear a laid-back platinum polyblend dad robe with bedazzled orthopedic space booties, carried by a triad of Olympian weightlifters as not to disrupt my delicate walk. At the spa, comfort is key, but fashion is king, and power is queen.
VR -- We can't go to the virtual spa yet, but we can bring VR to the spa. Our lovely sponsor BlueRoar VR is contributing LED fixtures. At Party Castle, those LED pyramids were LIT~erally the highlight of the decor and the Samsung VR experiences transported us away from the party mall to......a different party mall. And burning man. And there were Teslas. Who the feck knows where we'll go this time but I'm definitely in the market for a personal and virtual transformation.
What is reality anyway if not a video game simulation? ~~famous player Elon Musk in a 2012ish keynote speech
FACE MASKS & PHOTO OPS-- What spa would be complete without face masks? The human dermis suffers when traveling through space so we'll have plenty of replenishing product on hand. But really it's all about the custom Snapchat filter. SO keep that app on your phones, y'all. Face masks are an analog version of Snapchat filters (also, your face is an analog version of Snapchat filter) so the choice is yours whether you want to decorate yr self with a nourishing face mask or an illusory filter. Or both? Who says you can't do both? I's your existence, you can do whatever you want. Just don't forget to take a thousand face mask selfies and tag them #SpaceCastle. Obviously. You can also bring your cat since the spa is a cat-safe enviro and he can watch you do face masks. Try it with a cat.
LIVE MUSIC -- Spa(ce) needs bands! What kind of resort opening would it be without fantastic entertainment?? We will have a rnr shoegaze surprise and a witchy space diva and a diy synth princess!!! Perfect for any holistic treatment. Plus listen to the soothing spa DJs before, between, and after their sets.... and let that shit wash over you and take you to a crystal beach that will align your chakras, remove your anxiety, put you through grad school, get you a midnight seance with Steve Jobs, alleviate your past traumas, put you in a sequined jacket, gift you lucid dreams, and bestow an endless bounty of fabulousness and tranquility...
A MERMAID -- or a merman??!! More importantly, what's the mermaid vibe? Goth merman? Bondage mermaid? Rich jellyfish bitch? Justin Timberlake with gills? KANEY??? You'll have to see it to beliebe it. There really aren't enough KANEYS for this world so they had to emigrate to Mars...
THREE BARS -- In addition to our regular drink bar, there will be an oxygen bar experience as well as a milkbar (a la Korova Bar in A Clockwork Orange) by AA Barie and Freddy Nightliker. For those of you who enjoy a variety of milks as well as high quality oxygen, this is gonna be your luck day. Luck yeaaa!!!!!!!!
GUIDED MEDITATION -- Come for the booze & bands, stay for the enlightenment. Toby Bryan will be guiding you through life. We all need a shaman and he's the best. Right now is the time when all the world's shamen and shawomen need to get together and bless everyone except republicans and the alt-right with perfect health. When life gives you lemons, fuck the system.
CELEBRITY CAMEOS -- Remember when tiny Elon Mush came to Party Castle??? You can expect to see him and his friends at Space Castle getting facial treatments and seaweed wraps; they worked really hard to get to Mars!
DAD LOUNGE -- Most importantly, this future spa will need a dadspace. There's nothing that'll warm this old dad's heart like a comfy, reasonable area with a petite dresser containing a CBD vape and some Playboys (or Forbes). Humanity, this is my gift to you. Enjoy your dadventure to outer space!
There are nine days left till the opening, so RSVP now! What are you waiting for? Grab those tickets and smash that mf'in "order" button!!!